The Beaver Moon Meander

AP -- The Future. The city is currently reeling in the wake of a truck accident that resulted in the detonation of a Weapon of Mass Delight (WMD) in the downtown area. The device, rated at 120 MegaGlees (one Glee is equivalent to the amount of happiness required to make an adult laugh out loud), evidently went off despite several safety fuses designed to prevent accidental deployment. Communications into and out of the area have been disrupted, but this report is being filed from the edge of the affected area.

Nedwin C. Pendergast, a Goverment Happiness Abatement Officer, reports from the scene that people are "literally rolling on the ground laughing." His mission to restore fear and uncertainty among the populace is not going well. "We can't get anyone to take us seriously," said Pendergast, giggling in spite of himself. "It's a complete rout."

While the Administration acknowledges that WMDs are banned by the UN, the nation legally maintains a stockpile from before the treaty. This accident, combined with other recent events such as last week's spontaneous street music festivals, will certainly feed Government fears that the nation is vulnerable to widespread amusement, happiness, and satisfaction. In an emergency session of Congress, a contentious vote was narrowly defeated to, in the words of the sponsoring Assembly member, "declare war on something ... anything!"

Until melancholy can be restored, citizens are advised to stay out of the city, and to watch television news in order to prevent any possible side effects that the incident could cause.

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Mandeville Canyon
  • excerpts from Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creatures by Olivia Judson
  • excerpts from In a Sunburned Country by Bill Bryson
  • "A Tale of Leslie Baker & The Friendly Ozzies" by Kathy McHugh
  • excerpts from A Brief History of the Apocalypse by Chris Nelson from
  • "Hey, Hey, We're The Monkees" by The Monkees was performed by a whole Group Sing-along
  • "So Long, Mom, I'm Off to Drop the Bomb" by Tom Lehrer was performed by assorted singers
  • "Wish You Were Here" by Pat Boone was performed by assorted singers
  • "Satan is my Motor" by Cake was performed by assorted singers
  • excerpts from The Drawbridge by Sam Yasenda from A Collection of Happy Stories

All misspellings, misattributions, omissions or errors in naming should be construed as Acts of God, directed through yours truly (for reasons at which we as mere mortals may only guess...)